Fun at WUWT

There is a post at WUWT that is a real laugh. At first I thought it was for real, but it turned out it was a hilarious and spot-on parody of the warmists!
This piece literally had me falling off my horse with laughter:

Al Gore also hailed the paper as a milestone, writing in a press release, “All questions and skepticism should be ended at this point, the proof is in.” Gore declined to comment, aids saying he was too busy selling carbon offsets to himself.

As we all know, the eco-fascists could never come up with anything that funny. They completely lack a sense of humour. Al Gore is reported to have accidentally killed several people from boredom when he once tried to make a joke! It was a most painful death.
Thinking about it, this lack of a sense of humour appears to be a common trait in people I disagree with on some point or another: environmentalists, communists, neighbours, people that don't like sausages, the English, the French, bicyclists, women (in particular my ex wife), children, and some categories that it would be too politically incorrect to mention here. They never appreciate a good laugh!

Here is another good laugh, from my famous series of Nazi pictures with funny captions.

All our bombz are made from rezyclable material. We mustn't harm the environment!

Keeping Science Out of the Political Process

Scientific American has an online survey about the climate issue which has produced some very interesting results, which have upset the bedwetting liberal establishment.

To the question “Which policy options do you support?”, 65% of respondents have answered “keeping science out of the political process”. These respondents are very wise! Science is good in certain places, and bad in others.

These are places where science is good and can help humanity a lot:

• Industry, e.g. inventing flying cars.
• Military, e.g. inventing flying tanks.
• Museums, e.g. assembling dinosaur skeletons.
• Michael Crichton’s books and movies (Jurassic Park, State of Fear etc)
  

But these are places where science is bad and can do great harm to humanity:

• Policy, e.g. worldwide DDT ban.
• Al Gore’s books and movies (An Inconvenient Truth).

So why is science bad in policy? As experience has shown, science in policy usually results in:

• Regulations
• Taxes
• World governance.

So it should be obvious to any freedom- and prosperity-loving person that we need to keep science out of policy. Nowhere else is it as blatantly obvious as in the case of the alleged climate change.
You see, science is useful if the scientists are ordered to do something useful, like inventing the atom bomb (one of the great master-pieces of creative capitalism). So I’m all for science, yes I’m very pro-science as you all know, when science is used the right way and not the left way.
However, the scientists not working for the captains of industry and war are in general a naïve bunch of leftist day-dreamers who don’t understand the complexities of the real world outside their labs. They will make things up in order to get more fat grants and live in luxury on the tax-payers’ expense. They are activists, trouble-makes, meddlers in peoples’ lives.
A case in point: quantum mechanics – completely useless and nobody understands it. It’s just a lot of spin. How dare they tell me whether I can poison my cat or not! It is preposterous!
Therefore, this kind of scientists cannot be trusted. They will use their fancy titles and their perceived authority to try to influence the gullible masses and to pursue their feverish dreams of eco-communism. It will just end up as in Stalinist Russia where Dr Lysenko’s mad science ideas caused millions to starve to death!
Fortunately, there are many politicians that have realized what they are up against, and have taken a brave stand against the corrupting influence of science, such as Republican tea-party senate candidate Christine O'Donnell.
As retired House Republican Sherwood Boehlert (himself a fanatic eco-fascist) says about these open-minded climate-realistic politicians: “They haven't been exposed to the science all that much.” And a good thing is that! Then they can do what is best for humanity and prosperity, instead of following the leash of the corrupt and power-drunk scientific establishment.
Science is a wonderful thing, but whenever I hear the words “science says”, I reach for my Luger. No smart-ass scientists are going to tell me what I can or cannot do!

Purgamentum init, exit purgamentum.

Bonus: Australian journalist Tim Blair writes that Al’Gore is a fat, pompous, greedy, horny, envious, angry, and lazy moron! A must for the well-informed reader!

The nazi-alarmist "no pressure" nazi-plan of annihilation

Dear readers,
I must admit that after first watching the awful "No pressure" nazi-video, I jumped a bit too fast to the conclusion that the eco-nazis were literally going to blow up their opponents by pressing on red nazi-buttons. After further reflection I have come to the conclusion that the nazi-video was intended to be interpreted symbolically. After all, nazi-exploding your opponents by pressing red nazi-buttons seems like a quite difficult thing to do, and can hardly be seen as a realistic nazi-plan. The red nazi-buttons and explosions are merely symbols for something else, namely the complete physical destruction of all AGW skeptics by any violent and painful nazi-means that seems expedient to the murderous eco-nazis.
I also realise that I have not written nearly enough about this important subject (my precautionary diet on pork and single malt whisky has made me a bit indisposed). This means that I'm far behind e.g. Dr James Delingpole, who has already written 9 posts (and counting) about this momentous event on his Telegraph News Blog.

With the dear James's implicit permission, I'm here reproducing some of his nazi-pictures with very witty captions.

"Und Kinder you vill never guess what happens next...."

Herr Curtis congratulates the 10:10 team on a job well done

And here is one of my own:
"You muzt all reduze your carbon footprint..."

Some people have been using the term "Splatter-gate" to signify this event, but personally I prefer "Nazi-gate". The nazi-people behind the nazi-movie, as well as every-nazi-body that sympathises with them on any kind of nazi-issue, have revealed their total nazi-ness and fanatical terror-fascism for the whole world to see. They are literally drenched in the blood and gore of the innocent from head to toes, and an ill wind of ruthless nazi-oppression and genocidal murder-madness blows wherever they go. They nazi-made their nazi-video to show everbody what will happen to anybody that dares to stand up against their fanatical "Operation Barbarossa" of world conquest and enslavement under their fascist nazi-rule. They intend to bin-Laden-terrorize the whole world with their Pol-Pot-murderous threats and nazi-plans, and their nazi-inquisition will Hunnishly torture and Djingis-Kahn-destroy all opposition, and just anybody that their Gestapo-investigators merely suspect in their Stalinesque paranoia. Their mafia-like cruelty and blood thirst know no bounds, and their eco-fundamentalist Taliban zealotry is limitless. These hordes of nazi-vandals and fascist-barbarians want to destroy civilization and turn us all into mindless communist-slaves on their datjas and in their mosques, and they laugh like Beria at all the pain and suffering they so eagerly cause.
The nazi-nazists are becoming increasingly more desperate since the Great Climategate Scandal. This insane plan of annihilation is a logical next step after their failed attempts to "hide the decline" and "get rid of the Medival Warming Period". These are people with very sick minds! They are evil beyond your worst nightmares! Beware, everybody, beware!

Important message: If you follow my previous advice of sleeping with tin foil wrapped around your head, please make holes for breathing.

Update: I want to clarify that I think that the ad-hominem-throwing eco-nazis are comparable to the Nazis of WWII.

A lament on the difficulties in making an alarmist spoof site

Humor is a most powerful weapon, often used by the oppressed against their oppressors. By ridiculing and laughing at the oppressors, the oppressed can undermine their authority and make them appear less frightening. For instance, the American revolutionaries used to tell many jokes about the English at their tea parties, and make funny impersonations of the English gay king. The conquered Han Chinese had a lot of dirty jokes about the Mongols and their horses, and Atlas Shrugged is full of the most wonderful anti-socialist humor.
Today, we are facing an even more terrifying oppression from the eco-warmo-fascists, and one weapon we can use against them is ridicule. But here a serious problem arises: how can one ridicule something that is already so utterly, inconceivably ridiculous? How can one crack jokes about something that is a joke itself, albeit a terrible joke that will enslave humanity? When the evil and the absurd, the vicious and the ridiculous join forces, satire becomes a blunt sword.
I have sometimes thought about making a spoof website that makes fun of the typical AGW fanatic blog, like “Deltoid” or “Real Climate” or “Climate Progress”. Maybe I could give it some silly animal name, like the existing sites called "Stoat" and "Rabett run". "Tapeworm Tom's Climate Truth" maybe? It could have been very funny, because we skeptics and anti-ecocommunists have a wonderful sense of humor whereas the warmo-stalinists are as boring as communist commissars in Siberia. They don't get even the simplest joke. But one thing held me back: would anybody really be able to tell that is was a spoof site? Or would it be indistinguishable from the real thing? Would it perhaps turn out to be more sensible than the real thing? This is called the pope's law, which states that when you make fun of the pope, you will never be as funny as the real pope. Of course, Catholics do not laugh in either case.
Indeed, the person who wants to make a parody of the eco-nazis faces an uphill battle. For instance, one might want to make fun of the warmo-terrorists' obsession with al'Gore, who is the pope of their AGW-religion. They talk about him all the time: "Al'Gore said this, al'Gore said that, al'Gore made a movie everybody has to watch, al'Gore got the Nobel Peace prize". On and on they rant about their beloved saint al'Gore, who in fact is fat, has a big house, a big butt, an airbase, a wide girth, and makes billions of dollars from his AGW scam and doesn't dare to debate Lord Monckton. And he is obese too! But the warmists worship him like he was some fat demi-god (I'm not joking), and it is impossible to make up anything more ridiculous, unless one really exaggerates. Maybe one could drone (wearing a fatsuit): "I'm al'Gore and you should all kill yourselves as sacrifices on my altar!" However, that might not be an exaggeration at all. It might one day become perfectly true, and then it is not so funny anymore.
Or one could try to make up funny spoof theories that are even sillier and more illogical than the current AGW theory. But how would that be possible? The AGW theory postulates the existence of so-called positive feedbacks that would amplify the alleged warming caused by the unproven increase of tiny tiny carbon dioxide atoms in the atmosphere. But the "positive feedback" theory is grotesquely illogical - a positive feedback would lead to an infinite cycle of amplifications upon amplifications, until Earth became immensely warm¹. Yet they believe it. It doesn't get any sillier than that!
Then there is the AGW-drones’ fanatical belief in authority. "It was published in a peer-reviewed journal, so it must be true", "all these scientific academies and societies support the AGW theory", "all these journal papers support the AGW theory". It's like listening to Muslims shouting that all these Ayatollahs and Imams and Muftis say that Allah is great. Of course, the warmo-talibans don't even understand the articles they rant about; they simply believe what the authors claim. The other side of that litany is that nobody who is not a member of the climate science cabal and doesn't have a diploma in back-scratching AGW orthodoxy is to be trusted: "Lord Monckton is not a climate scientist", "McIntyre is not even a PhD", "Watts is just a TV meteorologist". It is just because these people are independent and uncorrupted thinkers that we should trust them!
And finally, there are the outlandish conspiracy theories of the climate change clowns. They scream about money from the oil companies, and connections to the tobacco companies, and about right-wing think-tanks and scientists for hire. It is all silly lies for the gullible masses of course, and the great irony is what a lack of imagination it reveals. The dreamed-up oil conspiracies are nothing compared to the real conspiracies that the kleptocratic masters of the AGW new world order have concocted and are enacting as you read these very words. How do you make fun of such unimaginative people as the CO2-haters? Silly, no sense of humor and no imagination: that's the Gore-Jugend for you!
One could make a really long list about such issues: their ad-hominem-throwing, the way AGW has become a religion, the denial of the criminal data-fudging and curve-tricking, the hypocrisy in pretending to care for people in Africa while denying them the blessings of fossil fuels such as driving SUVs, their naive unawareness of the powerful economical interests behind the AGW bubble (i.e. the renewable energy industry, the electric car industry, the low-energy light bulb industry, Greenpeace), their rabid ramblings against anyone who dares to question them, their blind devotion for al'Gore, their ugly earth-colored clothes, their boring vegan food (fit for rabbits), their pathetic stereotyping, and their endless projections of their own flaws and pathologies upon their noble opponents. Given how utterly ridiculous and idiotic the climate fundamentalists are, it is no easy task to make fun of them in a classy and sophisticated manner, just like it is hard to make chaste jokes about prostitutes. The jokes tend to get as grotesque and vulgar and shrill and tasteless as the people you are joking about. And yet they would be quite indistinguishable from the real thing. Indeed, some people have tried to make AGW-maniac spoof sites, most notably DeSoggyBog but with little success. Hmm, maybe the best joke would be to simply repeat what the eco-talibans are saying. Their own words are the best jokes!

¹ We know that the feedbacks are negative, which makes it nearly impossible for the climate to change, unless it is by natural causes like during the Medieval Warming Period.

Arctic ice is not melting

Over at the eternally interesting blog WUWW (What’s Up With Watts?), there is an excellent post about the alleged decline of the Arctic sea ice. It is well worth reading: Steven Goddard is giving the warmofascists a really good bashing. However, when talking about arctic sea ice, people seem to miss the most important point. Fortunately, I'm here to tell you what it is. The most important point is that when ice is melting, and it turns into water that is warmer than the ice was, it is just a matter of transfer of energy from somewhere else. You see, the energy (in the form of heat) that warms the ice and makes it melt does not appear magically - it must come from somewhere else. And that somewhere else gets colder when the energy leaves it. You can observe the same phenomenon by putting ice into a glass of Single Malt. As the ice melts, the Single Malt gets colder. The ice is not melting because the Single Malt is getting warmer - it is the opposite. The Single Malt is actually getting cooler. So the melting of sea ice doesn't mean it is getting warmer, like the ad-hominem-slinging Al Gore Gestapo goon squad wants you to believe. It is only a matter of a redistribution of energy/heat, and that is perfectly natural. Actually, human activities cannot redistribute heat. Such redistribution would be a violation of Maxwell's demon, which is the foundation of the 2nd law of thermodynamics.
In addition, it takes very little energy to melt ice, as it only has to change from -epsilon to +epsilon degrees, where epsilon signifies a very very small number. So very small redistributions of energy can make a lot of ice melt. Like the flutter of the wings of a butterfly on Hawaii. So it is really silly to thinks that it has anything to do with human activities (unless it is butterfly-breeding humans).
If we look at the curve of the extent of the ice, we can see that it resembles what mathematicians call a Sine curve, after the Greek letter Sinulon. Sine curves occur in many situations in nature; for instance, sound waves are made up of Sine curves. And a Sine curve can never reach 0. It is mathematically impossible: the equation sine x = 0 has no solution. This proves mathematically that all ice can never melt, just as clearly as it proves that a sound never can be silent. And non-complete ice melting makes perfect sense: as the ice melts, we get more water, and the more water we get, the more ice can there be. Because – guess what - ice comes from water! Maybe the Dumming-Kruger-afflicted so-called climate scientists at NASA should try to learn some physics and mathematics for once!
In vino veritas!

Addendum: As Count Dracula very perceptibly has pointed out, I made a small mistake regarding the sine function. It is actually 0 when x=0. This implies that there was no arctic sea ice when Baby Jesus was born, during the Roman Steaming Period.
This article was published and peer reviewed within two hours. Wouldn’t it be great to see all climate science treated in the same manner whatever its source?
This is indeed the way that we need to peer-review from now on. Not gate-keeping, nor appeals to authority via a self-seeking, peer-review process that claims that only its accredited disciples are competent to judge!
My superior mental processing was laid bare, was replicable and found to be a tiny bit at fault. The self-styled Science of Climate, has been characterized via its most enthusiastic adherents by non-transparency, obfuscation and odorants of deceit. The deceit is still denied by the warmofascist ad-hominem-spitting eco-terrorists!

Retarded 6-year-old disproves global warming

Benny Galt, a 6-year-old boy from Mineola, Texas, used to be considered special only in the sense that his level of development was slightly below that of most other children in his own age. Therefore he surprised everybody when he single-handedly managed to disprove the theory of man-made global warming. That makes him the youngest global-warming disprover sofar. Benny's proud father, former truck driver Obediah Galt, tells the story of how Benny defeated Al Gore and the global warming establishment one day when he was playing with his crayons.

"Benny usually eats the crayons, so I told him: 'Draw on the god-damn paper!' He is something of a retard, the boy. His mother drank a lot during the pregnancy", says Obediah as he smokes a joint, making no effort to be politically correct. "After a while, he told me 'Look, Daddy', and showed me this amazing drawing."

Next day, Obediah contacted the Orgone Institute of Science and Medicine (OISM) in order to get an expert's opinion. The OISM is considered one of the leading centers for climate research in the world. Craig Hitso from the institute comments:
"Once I saw the drawing, I knew that this would be the final nail in the coffin for the so-called anthropogenic global warming theory. It is all there. The sun at the top of the drawing - climate models do not take the sun into account. This young boy has shown thay they are wrong. The sun is an important part of the picture. Second, there is a polar bear. Global warming theory should kill all the polar bears, but there it is, and it looks pretty happy too. Third, there is the human figure to the left, and that is unmistakably al'Gore. And al'Gore is fat! Look at his girth! That definitely disproves global warming theory."

The drawing of young Benny has clearly created quite a stirr in the scientific community. In two weeks, Benny has been invited by senator James Inhofe to testify in the senate about the non-existent threat of global warming, and his expert testimony is believed to forever put the cap-and-tax proposal in the waste bin. Benny has also been mentioned by insiders in the Republican party as a future scientific advisor for future president Sarah Palin.

"I'm so proud of my Benny", says Benny's mother Dagny Galt. "He's my special little guy!"

Adeo in teneris consuescere multum est.

Gates galore

Numerous like sand in the desert are the different scandals that have been shaking the global warming establishment the past year. A very clever person came up with attaching the suffix "-gate" to each one of these outrageousities, in rembemberance of the Watergate scandal when Nixon (famous for his enviromentalist inclinations) broke into the Republican headquarters.

The current avalanche of gates started with Climate-gate, and then it went on from there, like a card-house falling apart when you torch it with napalm. Woossh! For your benefit, I have compiled the most comprehensive list of Climate gates on the Internet. It includes past, present and future gates.

Remember that one single gate was enough to end the presidency of Nixon. Then imagine the unstoppable force of the more than 150 gates (including sub-gates) I have listed here. I even add more of them as I write this. Anybody who sees this list must think: "Oh boy, how may gates! Global warming cannot be true!" If enough people read this list, we will win the war against climate science! Then we will be the consensus! It is simple blog science logic.

Hannibal ante portas!

1. Africa-gate



2. Alaska-gate



3. An Inconventient Truth-gate



4. Amazon-gate



5. America-gate



6. Antarctic-fortress-gate



7. Antarctic sea-gate



8. Asia-gate



9. Asphalt-gate



10. Australia-gate



11. Bangladesh-gate



12. Barbecue-gate



13. Bedwetting-gate



14. Big butt Gore-gate



15. Bondage-gate



16. Boot-cleaning manual-gate



17. Bill-gates (Ha ha ha, this is only a joke. And a precaution.)



18. Blubber-gate



19. Bull-gate



20. Censorship-gate



21. Centaur-gate



22. China-gate



23. Chicken-gate



24. Climate Camp-gate



25. Climate-gate, with sub-gates:
    
    
    
    1. Trick-gate
    
    
    2. Hide the decline-gate
    
    
    3. Travesty-gate
    
    
    4. Harry-gate
    
    
    5. Harry's brother-gate
    
    
    6. Harry's sister-gate
    
    
    7. Harry's wife-gate
    
    
    8. Harry's wife's lover-gate
    
    
    9. Fudge-gate
    
    
    10. Chocolate-gate
    
    
    11. Beer-gate
    
    
    12. Evil idol-gate
    
    
    13. Missing emails-gate
    
    
    14. Smoke-gate
    
    



26. Cow-gate



27. Crack cocaine for paleoclimatologists-gate



28. CRU data deletion-gate



29. CRU human sacrifice-gate



30. Crumbs in the bed-gate



31. Death star defense-gate



32. Dinosaur-gate



33. Dirty underwear-gate



34. Dog-ate it-gate



35. Dog peed on carpet-gate



36. Discernable influence-gate



37. Drought-gate



38. Duck-gate



39. Dutch-gate



40. Europe-gate



41. Fat Gore-gate



42. Five-star WWF-gate



43. Finland-gate



44. Flooded house-gate



45. FOI-gate



46. Football-gate



47. Fraud-gate



48. Fungus-gate



49. Gatekeeping-gate



50. GISS Metar-gate



51. Gol-gate



52. Gore refuses to debate Monckton-gate



53. Gore is fat-gate



54. Gore private jet-gate



55. Gore weighs a lot-gate



56. Godzilla-gate



57. Golden gate-gate



58. Golf club-gate



59. Greenpeace-gate



60. Greens too yellow to admit they are red-gate



61. Hamster-gate



62. Hansen 1930s hot-gate and 1988 hearings



63. Herring-gate



64. Himalayas-gate



65. Hitler Jugend(jewish)-gate



66. Hockey-stick-gate



67. Hole in my bucket-gate



68. Holland-gate



69. Holy cow-gate



70. Horror fish-gate



71. Horse-head-gate



72. Hurricane-gate



73. ICCCP mind control-gate



74. ICCCP and M Jackson-gate



75. Ice-gate



76. Iceland-gate



77. Islam-gate



78. Janet Jackson Super Bowl-gate



79. Jesus Paper-gate



80. Kitten-gate



81. Lizard-gate



82. Kilimanjaro-gate



83. Lost sock-gate



84. Malaria-gate



85. Manchurian candy-gate



86. McIntyre is not treated with enough respect-gate



87. Mega-mansion-gate



88. Media-gate



89. Met Office computer-gate



90. Minotaur-gate



91. Netherlands-gate



92. Nosepicking-gate



93. NASA/NCDC bad data-gate



94. NASA fake email leak-gate



95. NASA intentionally crash their own satellite-gate



96. NASA booze and hookers-gate



97. News-gate



98. New Zealand-gate



99. NOAA adjustment-gate



100. NOAA/GISS data selection-gate



101. NOAA/GISS do something with their data-gate



102. NYT alarmism-gate



103. Obesity-gate



104. Outrageous-gate



105. Overpeck-gate



106. Oxbourgh-gate



107. Pacman-gate



108. Pachauri-gate



109. Peer-review-gate 1



110. Peer-review-gate 2



111. Pig-gate



112. Pokemon-gate



113. Polar bear-gate



114. Porn(hard)-gate



115. Porn(soft)-gate



116. Press-gate



117. Prison-gate



118. Propaganda-gate



119. Rahmstorf-gate



120. Reef-gate



121. Reptilians from space-gate



122. Revelle-gate



123. Russia-gate



124. Satanistic rites in ICCCP compound-gate



125. Scam-gate



126. Scandal in Bohemia-gate



127. Sinatra-gate



128. Solar-gate



129. Soviet-gate



130. Spears-gate



131. Stationery-gate



132. Stasi-gate



133. Stern-gate



134. Sting-gate



135. Stop reading this now-gate



136. Student dissertation-gate



137. Surface stations-gate



138. Teddy bear-gate



139. Teletubbies-gate



140. Terrorist-gate



141. Thurman-gate



142. Titanic sinking-gate



143. Toad-gate



144. Travolta-gate



145. UNEP-gate



146. Universe-gate



147. UN natural disasters-gate



148. UN supernatural disasters-gate



149. Uncut toe nails-gate



150. Ursus-gate



151. Venus-gate



152. Volcano ash plume-gate



153. Watermelon-gate



154. What the f**k-gate



155. Whitewater-gate



156. Wide waist Gore-gate



157. Will it never end-gate



158. World-gate



159. X-box 360 gate



160. Yamal-gate



161. Zebra-gate

Are they criminals?

Al'Gore, James Hansen, Michael Mann, Phil Jones - these are the people who have committed the greatest fraud ever on humankind! They and their henchmen in their peer-reviewed journals, their scientific associations and the humungous money-sucking IPCC.
But are these tricksters and fraudsters criminals? It might come as a surprise to you, but I would say “No!”. And I will explain why. You see, I have perfectly logical reasons for not calling them “criminals”, and as soon as you hear them you will understand what I mean. A criminal is somebody who mugs an old lady, or steals a car, or breaks into somebody’s house and leaves with the plasma TV, or sell drugs to school children. It could even be somebody who pulls a gun a shoots somebody innocent down. These are all terrible deeds, but they affect only one or a few individuals.
Let us now consider Al’Gore and his cronies. They want to throw the whole world into poverty, misery, slavery and tyranny. They want to create a new world order, where they are the supreme overlords. They are not criminals – they are super villains!
So you see, that’s why it is inappropriate to call them criminals. Al'Gore, James Hansen, Michael Mann, Phil Jones – they are super villains!

Occasio facit furem