Sunday, 9 May 2010

Venus is hot!

A number of brilliant blog scientists have recently disproved the drug-induced theory that Venus is hot due to carbon dioxide. Yes, Carl Sagan was high on drugs when he came up with the theory, just like he was high during most of the recording of the TV show Cosmos (as one can notice). There are also good reasons to suspect that the artist Botticelli was high when he made his famous painting of Venus (to the left). Like those flowers floating around in the air.

Here I will propose a new and revolutionary theory about why Venus is so hot. The explanation starts at Earth. Look at the authentic photograph to the left (from the blog science blog Whats up With That). It depicts a weather station positioned in a car park covered with asphalt. It is well know that asphalt makes a place much warmer - asphalt alone can probably account for at least 65% of the alleged warming of Earth during the past century. Yet only a small portion of Earth is covered by asphalt. The situation on Venus is different: the entire planet is covered by asphalt. That is enough to increase the temperature on Venus by many hundreds of degrees Kevin! Venus is like one planet-wide car park from hell!
But what about the carbon dioxide? When asphalt (which mainly consists of carbon hydrates) gets hot, it gives away carbon dioxide. So the high temperature is the cause of the carbon dioxide, not the other way around, just like on Earth (remember the ice cores). As usual, the climate scientists have confused cause and effect.
Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur.


  1. I was wondering whether that struggling tree in the back does absorb the CO2 emitted from the asphalt, but simultaneously reflects the sunlight back into space. Which results in overall cooling. Since 2002.

  2. Excellent, clearly explained and reasoned blog science, Baron!

    If only the tricksters at CRU and Penn State could be as concise - but of course we now know why they dress up their habitual dissembling and drug ravings in mammoth mumbo-jumbo sciency-looking papers format.

    However, I understand that tarmac is a by-product of the oil industry and I'm assured by a spokesperson there (might have been at the Heartland do - but I may have been too free boozed to remember much of that clearly) that oil has never, will not and indeed cannot cause any ill effects to the environment.

    Basically, it's as pure as the driven snow.
    Except for its colour,obviously.
    Which is probably why it gets such a bad press.

    But then Venusian tarmac may well be as you say.

    Romanes eunt domus.

  3. You are so correct about the oil, chek! But I think that the oil should be preserved for use by humans. It shouldn't be wasted on shrimps and sea gulls, like BP is doing!

  4. Hilarious, and so very true. But can you please explain to me why Jupiter's surface temperature is only -140 degrees C? Huh? Or have those evil warmists scientists been lying about that as well? Was Sagan high when he made that up too? Silly, silly drug addled man. Think of the damage he has done to science! Popper would roll in his grave!

  5. Interesting, but we all know that Venus is just a light in the sky above Earth placed there by the Lord during the Creation. How could there be any car parks up there?

  6. @P.O.E. Slaw:

    From this observation we can conclude an astonishing fact: the Lord likes cars. He needs a big place to store (and show) his hobby. That's why he put Venus up in the sky! It's amazing that nobody has thought of that earlier! That knowledge must have been surpressed by socialists governments (as they hate the Lord). We really should publish this important discovery in a journal!

  7. Those Venusians can arde in regnum phasmatis eh Mein Herr Baron?


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